This is My Life

I have no idea what just happened.

Someone Suggested this to me so here it goes…

Dear TMP,

You know how I feel, I’ve told you.  You know that every time you do this it hurts me, yet you still do.  I wish you’d see past your stuff for 5 min, cause I bet you’d see what I see.  I see strength.  A rare quality, one that more than anything I find attractive.  More than your eyes, which are not too small.  More than you stomach, which is flat enough.  More than your ass, which is seriously awesome.  I see you, not just the you on the outside.  The you that everyone gets to see, I see what you hide.  You think I notice only some of the little things.  The looks, the touches, the subtle smiles.  I see them all.  I dont comment on them cause I know it bothers you, but I still see them.  Knowing that somewhere in there you care still helps.  You try to smooth it over, which you suck at.  Someone once told me that you can only show them you and hope they see you, not what others see, but what you see when you look in the mirror.  And for the first time in a while I feel like someone does see me.  It pains me to say that the inner me, like all people, has a dark half.  A half that I do my best to surpress.  Only one other person has managed to help me with that, and she is the roommate to the guy your sleeping with (How messed up is that).  I feel like you’d be up for the task.  But I’m scared. Scared that your rejection will be for either doomed love or for the wrong reasons.  All I can ask at this point is to be open.  To be Mindful.  And to be mine

—Yours till you tell me otherwise, RTM

Fuck this noise

Why is it that everytime i like a woman she feels the need to go blow some other guy and brag about it to me?  Fuck it.

I feel blah today…

Its true, woke up and felt like ass.  And now I feel even worse.  Dont know why.  Ah well. Talked to the Athlete today, kinda like her too much for words to describe.

Really? Nothing you did nothing…

So for the last 5 days I have had a Group project at my School.  College for those curious.  And my partner has done NOTHING.  Not. A. Damn. Thing.  I sit here in his apartment writing this as he is supposed to be doing some of the Artistic Assets for Our project, which I can safely say he started.  But now he is watching Bad Karate movies on Netflix.  Fuck this. Seriously you quivering cunt of a man DO SOME FUCKING WORK.  Oh and please do it right.  The only thing that I hate more than someone who doesnt work when they say they will, is someone who does the WORK WRONG.  Thus forcing me to go back and DO IT AGAIN.  I want to cut him.  I do, but I won’t.  Not till after he crashes and burns.

Why are the women in my Life insane?

My week so far has sucked, so I looked to my friends for some fucking clarity.  A few things you should know about them they are crazy.  But honestly who isn’t, I mean no one likes the sane ones.  As my day went on I was forced into a Skate, Skype Date, with probably the closest thing I have to a best friend for the moment.  As we talked we covered the same things we usually do; ie she makes horrible life decisions and her current boyfriend is exactly like me.  I realized that all the crap I put up, all the things I do to keep people out; she has finally got through it all.  

This bothers me.